A Thank you to my Mum

Until I had Daisy I don’t think I fully appreciated all that my mum has done for me over the years. It may sound like a cliché but I don’t think I have ever even stopped to consider the sheer number of personal sacrifices she’s willingly made for my sisters and me, and I’m not just talking about the odd (!) sleepless night.

I, like many of my mummy friends, am currently navigating the tricky road of returning to work after maternity leave.  I am discovering that despite what the media would have us believe, we cannot have it all. My mum was a doctor before she had children. After the birth of my eldest sister she was offered a part time job of just 38 hours (in those days doctors worked at 72 hour week!) and was required to return to work just 8 weeks after Jeanette was born.  A bought of mastitis on Christmas Day was, as they say, the last straw and she decided to the horror of family and friends to quit medicine and be a full time mum.

Mum and Daisy.

These days the idea of being a full time mum in London is not something people really entertain unless their husband earns so much that their salary is irrelevant. Rents and mortgages are so high that often you need a double income to make ends meet. When mummies meet up, the question on everyone’s lips is not “Are you going back to work?” rather “When are you going back to work?” So we all visit local nurseries and child minders trying to work out which option we hate least for our children.

There are some mums who I consider lucky. It’s unlikely that aged 16 they had the foresight to realise that a job in the public sector would equal an open invitation into the world of flexible working and part time, but it does.  However, there are many of us who chose a career where you are required to be wedded to your blackberry and available at all hours of the day to do your job well, so part time work is really not an option. If it is an option you are saying goodbye to ever receiving a pay rise, or any form of career progression, you are effectively out of the game.

As a women and a mum it is possible for me to have a successful career, – all I have to do is go back to work full time and sort out the logistics of childcare. But it still doesn’t negate the fact that in reality from Monday to Friday I wouldn’t see Daisy.  Yes I’d wake her up, change her clothes then take her to the nursery, but what if she wants to show me the fact that she can now clap? Will I have the time to indulge in clapping with her, and see her face light up in a smile, or will I be rushing because I will be late for that early morning meeting?

James and I chose to bring Daisy into this world, so I feel a sense of responsibility for bringing her up and this may sound controversial but I don’t want someone else to do that job. I mean if I’m not around for her on a daily basis how can I have any authority disciplining her and teaching her how to live?

But despite saying all of the above I do still want to work, I think I’ll be a better mum to Daisy if I have a little time to myself each week,  I also think I’ll be a better wife if I have something to talk to my husband about that isn’t just about Daisy’s bowel movements and napping prowess. I’d like to work part time so I don’t have the guilt of leaving Daisy for hours on end, so that I have time to do the washing, cook Daisy’s food and do all those little jobs that an extra person creates, so that when my husband and I have a day off we can have fun as a family rather than just doing the household chores.

The government keeps talking about how they are going to make childcare more affordable to get mums back to work, I agree this needs to happen but I also think they need to look at laws to make flexible working a reality. Yes legally all employers are required to consider flexible working but then all they have to say is that it doesn’t work for business reasons and the request is refused. The end result? Numerous mums rushed off their feet trying to ‘have it all’ and racked with guilt, or highly skilled intelligent women unable to work in any capacity.

I don’t have any answers to this eternal conundrum, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to my and many other mums who have put their children first in so many different ways in order to be there when we needed them.

I have linked this post to Mummy blogger Jenny at Let’s Talk Mommy.